Welcome back, everyone! Today, we’re diving into some important topics that often remain unspoken in the Christian community. I’m joined by Mike Novotny, the author of "Taboo Topics Christians Should Be Talking About But Don't."
Introduction
In this episode, we explore the often-avoided subjects within the Christian community, such as anxiety, depression, addiction, and particularly sexuality. Mike Novotny shares his personal journey of overcoming struggles with pornography and emphasizes the importance of discussing these topics openly within the church. The conversation highlights the significance of understanding God's design for sex and the necessity of obedience to biblical truths in order to achieve transformation and healing in areas of sexual brokenness.
The Power of Open Discussion
Breaking the Silence on Taboo Topics
Jonathan: Mike, what were the main hurdles that kept you from discussing these issues, and what finally pushed you to open up?
Mike: Jesus said the devil is the father of lies, and one of his most convincing lies is to keep us silent. I thought if I confessed my struggles, I would be judged or gossiped about. I had no real proof that sharing my struggles would lead to anything good. But when I finally did share, I was met with love, encouragement, and accountability. I realized that my fears were unfounded; the Christian community responded with grace and support.
The Tipping Point
Jonathan: It sounds like you reached a tipping point where the pain of staying silent became greater than the fear of speaking out.
Mike: Exactly! I was just tired of being stuck in the same cycle. I realized that telling myself I wouldn’t fall into sin again wasn’t working. It was the exhaustion of that struggle that finally pushed me to step into the light.
The Importance of Obedience to Biblical Truths
Knowledge vs. Obedience
Jonathan: Your book addresses these taboo topics, and I appreciate that you bring truth into these discussions. Why is obedience to truth so crucial for transformation?
Mike: Knowledge alone isn’t enough. I can read about exercise, but that doesn’t make me fit. Similarly, I can know what the Bible says, but if I don’t put it into practice, I won’t see change. Jesus said, “Blessed are those who hear the word of God and obey it.” Obedience is where the blessing lives.
Obedience is where the blessing lives.
Understanding God's Design for Sex
Jonathan: In your book, you dedicate a significant section to sexuality, starting with the chapter "Sex is Good." Why is that an important starting point?
Mike: Because that’s where the Bible starts! While the Bible addresses sexual sin, it also emphasizes that sex is God’s idea. In Genesis 2, before sin entered the world, God created sex. The serpent didn’t bring sex into the garden; God did. We often focus on the “don’ts” of sexuality, but we need to remember that God created sex for our enjoyment and connection.
Practical Steps for Embracing God's Design
Intimate Knowing
Jonathan: What do you mean by “intimate knowing” and how does it relate to God’s design for sex?
Mike: No one wants to feel used. If someone is nice to me just to sell me something, I feel manipulated. The same goes for marriage. If my spouse is only doing nice things to get sex, that’s unappealing. The goal should be genuine love, not manipulation. If we focus on loving our spouse without ulterior motives, intimacy will naturally follow. I’ve learned that serving my partner without expecting anything in return fosters a deeper connection. It’s about creating a loving environment where intimacy can flourish.
Practical Tools for Husbands and Wives
Jonathan: What are some practical tools for both husbands and wives to improve this intimate knowing without ulterior motives?
Mike: It’s simpler than it seems. I often tell men to approach their marriage like they would a fantasy football team. Each week, you analyze data and make decisions based on what you see. Apply that same principle to your spouse. Notice her schedule, her stress levels, and what she needs. For example, if you see she’s overwhelmed, offer to help with chores or take care of the kids. Anticipating her needs shows you care and strengthens your bond. The more you do this, the more you’ll become a great husband.
Addressing Sexual Brokenness
The Fiery Nature of Sex
Jonathan: You have another chapter titled "Sex is Fiery." Can you explain what you mean by that?
Mike: Sure! I did some research and found that the Bible mentions sex explicitly 77 times, and all those references serve as warnings. While sex is good, the Bible emphasizes the potential dangers. I liken it to a fireplace. I love having a fire in my home, especially during the long winters here in Wisconsin. But I keep that fire contained in a small space because if it gets out, it can cause significant damage. Similarly, God places boundaries around sex because He knows how quickly it can lead to destruction when taken outside of those boundaries.
Maturing in Sexual Self-Control
Jonathan: How can we mature in sexual self-control within those boundaries?
Mike: There are practical steps, like joining accountability groups or using filtering software. But we often overlook the transformative power of the gospel. In Titus 2, Paul talks about how the grace of Jesus teaches us to live self-controlled lives. Instead of just focusing on behavior modification, we need to embrace God’s unconditional love, even when we mess up. Many resources on sexual sin fail to address the need for the gospel, which is essential for true transformation.
Embracing Grace
The Role of Grace
Jonathan: It’s disheartening to hear that many Christians are surprised to find grace at the foundation of our ministry. After over 20 years in this field, I’ve seen how essential it is to root our discussions in grace rather than performance-based recovery systems.
Mike: That’s so true. It’s vital for people to understand that Jesus was a friend to those who struggled with sin, including sexual sin. He had a reputation for associating with those who were marginalized and burdened by their pasts. The early Christians, like the Corinthians and Ephesians, carried a lot of sexual baggage, yet the gospel declared them holy and pure in God’s sight.
Balancing Self-Reflection with Grace
Jonathan: It’s easy to get caught up in self-analysis and forget to run back to the cross.
Mike: Exactly. I encourage listeners to balance self-reflection with the grace found at the cross. Titus 2 reminds us that it’s the grace of God that teaches us to say no to worldly passions and live a self-controlled life.
Taking the Next Step
Finding Support
Jonathan: For anyone out there who might be struggling with taboo subjects in their lives, what advice would you give them to take their next step toward healing?
Mike: I often tell people to find one trustworthy person in their life—maybe a friend, a brother, or someone from church. Start with a simple conversation over coffee. Share something that’s on your heart, even if it’s not the deepest issue. Just getting your feet wet in honesty can be a significant step.
Just getting your feet wet in honesty can be a significant step.
Building Connections
Jonathan: It’s all about testing the waters and seeing how that person responds. If they respond with compassion and understanding, that’s a green light from God to continue opening up.
Mike: Yes! Many people lack confidants or allies in their struggles. Finding someone who responds with grace and truth can be incredibly healing.
Conclusion
Jonathan: Mike, where can people find your book and learn more about the resources you offer?
Mike: The easiest way to find "Taboo" is on Amazon, where we sell most of our books. Additionally, we have a robust ministry with a TV show and a daily radio program. I’ve written about 15 books, so if anyone is interested, they can check out our resources at timeofgrace.org.
Jonathan: Thank you, Mike! And to our listeners, remember that you’re not alone in your struggles. Reach out for support, and we look forward to seeing you next time on the Pure Sex Radio program. Take care!
By breaking down these taboo topics and providing actionable advice, we hope to encourage open discussions within the Christian community. Understanding God's design for sex and embracing grace are crucial steps toward healing and transformation. Let's continue to support one another in this journey toward wholeness in Christ.