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Writer's pictureAndrea Stunz

Can counseling be harmful?

Updated: 13 hours ago


Can counseling be harmful?

 

I can’t fathom anyone going through the time, energy, and money it takes to get a psychology degree who would do so to become a harmful therapist. 

 

I know and have benefited from many excellent and helpful therapists over my decade+ of trauma healing. Most counselors are in it because they genuinely desire to help – and most do. That said, I have personally worked with a few counselors who have added a layer or two of trauma to my already heavy load. I have also heard from others who have experienced negative counseling experiences as well.

 

For example, one shared her experience with me:

 

“Early on in my healing from betrayal trauma, I gratefully welcomed the support of my church’s counseling center. It was free to church members and I needed free at that time. All was going fairly well until one session when my therapist, knowing I was there seeking help after the marriage betrayal, asked me how long it had been since my husband and I had been physically intimate. I was unsure and sheepishly answered as such. Our eyes met, and her words that followed my uncertainty were, “Well, you know he won’t wait forever, right?”

 

Shrinking and feeling like one of the few remaining intact arteries of my heart had burst, I can’t tell you what happened next. I checked out in every way—dissociation in all its glory. Honestly, I was grateful for it at that moment. It protected me, and possibly her. I can tell you that experience left me feeling so hurt, invalidated, unseen, and objectified. I can also tell you that I never saw her again.”

 

Another shared this account:

 

“I was seeing a therapist who had a relatively firm personality. I knew this going into my time with her, feeling I could handle a little bit of blunt truth-telling in my life at this point in my journey. She was one of the best, and I still feel fortunate that I was able to work with her. We were making significant progress until I made an emergency call to her. I was in the heat of a crisis and desperately needed her guidance - without the blunt truth-telling. She didn’t pick up on that need. She ended up raising her voice at me over the phone.

 

Although she had given me permission to reach out to her, I can see where my timing may have been intrusive to her as it wasn’t a scheduled session. There’s no telling what she may have been experiencing in her real life that day, but it was a horrible way to end our work together.”

 

I hope you aren’t reading what I’m not writing. The scales heavily tip to the good experiences so many clients have had with their counselors. I could write a series about the good that has come to me. and others I've heard from, through therapy. I’ve shared these two examples to illustrate how counseling can sometimes be harmful and to acknowledge the pain and need for repair if this is something you have experienced.


Woman and counselor in session.

As we stumble forward in seeking healthy counseling experiences, let’s keep these five truths in mind:


  1. Therapists are human, too. While they are trained and educated to keep their personal lives and belief systems out of their work with clients, they have real-life experiences with good and bad days, and unfortunately, they sometimes make mistakes. I’m not excusing them; we pay them to do better, but we all need grace sometimes.

  2. Therapists know what they know until they know something new. In my early days of healing, it was not common to see betrayal as trauma. We learn new ways. We grow. Sadly, there will be some casualties along the way. (Be sure to read the next one.)

  3. We have a responsibility as clients, too. It’s a tough pill to swallow, especially when we’re bleeding out in their office. However, although we pay the therapist to listen and help us, we can also make mistakes. It is right for us to acknowledge our mistakes and respond accordingly.

  4. God can use what we place in His hands. The negative experiences we have in therapy, yes, even the traumatic ones, can serve to guide and inform our next steps. God can take the bad and turn it into good if we allow Him to.

  5. Jesus is the ultimate Healer. Putting our trust in Him to lead and guide us down the path He has already mapped out for us is always a good idea. Counselors are the helpers, Jesus is the Healer.

 

In the triage days of healing from betrayal trauma, when our wounds are wide open, we very much need others to look out for us. I sure did. A therapist should help with that, too. In their humanity, however, there will always be variables as to whether they do. That said, I don’t believe those who long to help us purposely set out to cause us harm.

 

As we heal and grow, we will discover we have the confidence and strength to discern what our hearts need to receive, where our voices need to speak up, and possibly when our feet need to walk toward finding a new therapist. 

 

He will cover you with his feathers, and under his wings you will find refuge; his faithfulness will be your shield and rampart. You will not fear the terror of night, nor the arrow that flies by day, nor the pestilence that stalks in the darkness, nor the plague that destroys at midday.

—Psalm 91:4-6

 

Next Step Resources: 

 

 

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