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Today, we have the privilege of hearing from Dr. Stephen Cervantes, who shares his expertise in understanding and managing emotions, particularly for men. This article is packed with valuable insights and practical advice that can guide you on your journey towards greater emotional self-awareness. Let's break down the key points discussed and explore actionable steps you can take to enhance your emotional intelligence.
Understanding Emotional Self-Awareness
Emotional self-awareness is the ability to recognize and understand your own emotions, as well as the impact they have on your thoughts and behaviors. Dr. Cervantes emphasizes that this journey is not just about identifying emotions but also about understanding their origins and triggers.
Levels of Emotional Self-Awareness
The various levels of emotional self-awareness range from complete unawareness to a profound understanding of emotional triggers and responses. Here’s a detailed look at these levels:
Complete Unawareness: At this stage, individuals are oblivious to their emotions. They may struggle to identify what they are feeling and why.
Basic Awareness: Individuals begin to recognize their emotions but may not fully understand the underlying causes or how to manage them.
Intermediate Awareness: There is a growing understanding of emotional triggers and patterns. Individuals start to connect their emotions to specific events or experiences.
Advanced Awareness: At this level, individuals have a deep understanding of their emotional responses and can identify core fears and triggers.
Mastery: This stage involves not only understanding emotions but also managing them in a mature and healthy way. Individuals can stay calm and composed, even when others around them are experiencing strong emotions.
Take the Men's Emotional Self-Awareness Test
Examine the chart below to score yourself in emotional awareness. Be honest. We are all on a growth mission and no one is ever "done" with growth in emotional awareness and maturity. Use your current score as a starting point for your next stage of learning and growth in emotional self-awareness.
0% | I think feelings are dumb. |
|---|---|
10% | I acknowledge I have feelings. |
20% | I agree my favorite emotion is anger. |
30% | I think feelings include mad, sad, and glad. |
40% | I admit that I get triggered and can lose emotional control. |
50% | I know my family of origin stories and can recall childhood trauma. |
60% | I can verbalize my core fear (I hate it and it deeply scares me). |
70% | I know where I hold the stress and emotional tension in my body. |
80% | I accept the assignment to retrain my mind, grow in self-awareness, and learn healthy emotional skills. |
90% | I understand and engage the emotions of others. |
100% | Both my spirit and my emotional system work in harmony with the Holy Spirit inside me. |
Actionable Steps to Enhance Emotional Self-Awareness
Keep an Emotion Journal: Document your daily emotional experiences. Note the situations that triggered certain emotions and reflect on why you felt that way.
Practice Reflection: Engage in reflection exercises to stay present and aware of your emotions as they arise.
Seek Feedback: Ask trusted friends or family members for feedback on your emotional responses. This can provide valuable insights into patterns you may not notice yourself.
The Impact of Family of Origin
Family of origin plays a significant role in shaping emotional patterns and behaviors. Childhood experiences can leave lasting imprints on how we respond to emotions.
Understanding Family Influence
Identify Patterns: Reflect on your childhood and identify any recurring emotional patterns or behaviors that you may have inherited from your family.
Acknowledge Triggers: Recognize how certain family dynamics may trigger specific emotional responses in you.
Break the Cycle: Work on breaking unhealthy emotional patterns by seeking therapy or engaging in healthy groups.
Actionable Steps to Address Family Influence
Therapeutic Exploration: Consider therapy to explore and understand the impact of your family of origin on your emotional development.
Open Communication: Have open and honest conversations with family members about emotional patterns and seek to understand their perspectives.
Set Boundaries: Establish healthy boundaries with family members to protect your emotional well-being.
The Connection Between Triggers and Emotional Responses
Understanding the connection between triggers and emotional responses is crucial for developing emotional self-awareness. Recognizing these triggers and learning to manage them effectively is vital to growing in emotional health and maturity.
"A lot of anger comes from disappointment. If you want to be better at anger, be better at managing your disappointment."
Identifying Triggers
Common Triggers: Identify common triggers such as stress, conflict, or criticism that elicit strong emotional responses.
Physical Reactions: Pay attention to physical reactions like increased heart rate or tension, which can signal an emotional trigger.
Emotional Patterns: Notice patterns in your emotional responses to specific triggers.
Actionable Steps to Manage Triggers
Develop Coping Strategies: Create a toolkit of coping strategies such as deep breathing, Scripture meditation, or taking a walk to manage emotional triggers.
Practice Self-Compassion: Be kind to yourself when you experience strong emotions. Acknowledge your feelings without judgment.
Seek Support: Reach out to friends, family, a therapist, or a support group for support when dealing with challenging emotional triggers.
The Journey Towards Emotional Maturity
Emotional maturity, which involves managing emotions in a healthy and constructive way, is a process that takes time -- over a lifetime. This journey requires continuous self-awareness and growth.
Reaching 80% Self-Awareness
At 80% self-awareness, individuals accept the assignment to retrain in areas of emotional growth. This stage involves a commitment to personal development and emotional maturity.
The Leap from 80% to 90%
Moving from 80% to 90% self-awareness involves learning to let others own their emotions while staying calm and composed. This stage requires a deeper understanding of emotional boundaries and the ability to maintain emotional stability.
The Lifelong Pursuit of 100%
No one ever perfectly maintains a 100% score on the emotional self-awareness test. This is because we are human beings and inherently imperfect. But the goal isn't perfection, it is progress. Stay on the growth mission!
Actionable Steps to Achieve Emotional Maturity
Emotional Regulation: Practice techniques to regulate your emotions, such as prayer, journaling, or talking to a trusted friend.
Healthy Boundaries: Establish and maintain healthy emotional boundaries with others.
Continuous Learning: Engage in continuous learning and self-improvement to enhance your emotional intelligence.
Aligning with the Spirit and Emotional Program
Dr. Cervantes discusses the concept of being 100% aligned with the Holy Spirit and the emotional program within oneself. This alignment involves harmony between man's spirit, emotional program, and the Holy Spirit.
"When the emotional program and the spirit of me get in harmony with the Holy Spirit, then everything is working."
The Role of the Holy Spirit
Spiritual Growth: Seek spiritual growth and maturity by aligning with the Holy Spirit's fruit, such as love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, and self-control.
Ongoing Journey: Recognize that emotional and spiritual alignment is an ongoing journey that requires continuous effort and dedication.
Actionable Steps for Spiritual Alignment
Spiritual Practices: Engage in spiritual practices such as prayer, meditation, or reading Scripture to deepen your connection with the Holy Spirit.
Community Support: Join a spiritual community or group for support and encouragement on your journey.
Reflect and Adjust: Regularly reflect on your spiritual and emotional alignment and make adjustments as needed.
Conclusion
The journey towards emotional self-awareness and maturity is a continuous process that requires dedication, self-reflection, and a willingness to grow. By understanding the levels of emotional self-awareness, recognizing the impact of family of origin, managing emotional triggers, and aligning with the Spirit, you can enhance your emotional intelligence and lead a more fulfilling, meaningful life.
Remember, the goal is not to achieve perfection but to strive for progress. Take small, consistent steps towards greater emotional self-awareness and maturity, and you will see significant improvements in your emotional well-being.
Thank you for joining us on this journey. We hope this simple test provides valuable insights and practical advice to help you navigate the complexities of emotional self-awareness.
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